Valentine’s Day is today, so it is the perfect time to express my love for an inanimate skill that exists in distant databases and C++.
You are my favorite skill that Brewmasters have in their arsenal. You are so useful in nearly every circumstance I can dream up. If I know a big dragon will breath fire on me, I know you will nullify all that damage. The healers won’t even know I got hit!
If I’m demanding the attention of a giant terra-cotta warrior, you can save me in those rare moments where my health dives unexpectedly and I’m near death. Nothing takes me further from being a squished panda than a shield for 300k damage. My love for you makes life worth living.
And if nothing dangerous happens in a certain fight, I know I can use you off cooldown. It’s like taking a calming stroll, hand-in-hand, by the water. I just want to see you every opportunity I get.
If I ask you to compromise, you gladly glyph, sacrificing your physical powers for magical ones. My tier 14 bonus buffs you, as does my airbending Tiger Palm. All my other skills wish they could make a perfect pair with you, but we all know they can’t break our bond.
Beyond your infinite usefulness, you are ravishingly beautiful. Some fancy footwork, swirling symbols on the ground, and a single prominent rune to protect me. It’s not always obvious, but you are stunning.
Guard, I love you. You are the only cooldown I’ll ever need. (Unless I’m metric boatloads of damage and you disappear in half a second, but I appreciate the thought.)